Run, Baby, Run!

I Choose to Pursue You

February is National Marriage Month. So for the next four weeks, I will post excerpts from my book, I Choose You Today: 31 Ways to Make Love Last. We’ll look at submission, commitment, and pursuing your mate. On March 1, I’ll draw a name from all who have commented on any of the posts for a free copy of the book


As for husbands, love your wives just like Christ loved the church and gave himself for her,” (Ephesians 5:25)

Another business trip, another city. The worst part of that first day on the road is taking my clothes out of the suitcase, hanging them up, and pressing those that didn’t fare well during travel. I had just mentioned to my husband, Ron, that morning how much I dreaded that sometimes-twice-a-week task as I moved between client locations.

Now, as I pulled the advertised no-wrinkle blouse from my bag, an envelope fluttered to the floor. I fetched it from the carpet as I threw the blouse in the ironing pile.

Ron’s handwriting: Mag. His pet name made me smile immediately. I sank down on the foot of the bed and turned the envelope over. “I love you” was written across the sealed flap.

A sweet note inside reminded me of his love for me, how much he missed me every second I was gone and how he dreaded the empty side of the bed. A little flirting, a little prayer for my upcoming week. A sweet surprise, but not the first. Ron has pursued me consistently in the past thirty-eight years.

He’s the romantic; I’m pragmatic. He can recall the date of our first kiss and never forgets an anniversary or special occasion. He has created elaborate romantic surprises for me over the years, capturing my heart again and again.

I could take a page from his book. I’ve been guilty sometimes of saying to him the morning of his birthday, “I didn’t get you a card. Will a kiss do?”

I should be better at this. I grew up in a home where every day my father said to my mom, “Dottie, did I tell you today I love you?” She always responded: “Yes, but you can tell me again.” They were perfect together. Mom often appeared annoyed when Dad (in his seventies) would say to the waiter, “Hey there, buddy, look around. The most beautiful girl in the room is with me tonight.” She said it embarrassed her, but truthfully, she loved every romantic moment.

Ron’s envelope got me to thinking about the impact his pursuit has made on me. Knowing he always has me at the forefront of his thoughts and affections has created a great confidence, not only in our relationship but also for me personally. I’m not twenty-five anymore, but he still sees me as beautiful; he is still attracted to me. I trust his heart, if not always his eyes!

I’m so glad it’s his heart he uses when he looks at me.  I never wonder whether or not he truly loves me, needs me, and wants me. His pursuit speaks volumes, and it draws me to him time after time.

Doesn’t he deserve the same from me? That confidence that comes from being relentlessly pursued? He owns my heart; he knows it. But I want him to feel it. I want him to experience the same confidence and assurance his pursuit affords me. I want him to know that my affection and attraction to him have not only remained steady, but they’ve grown over the years.

I know Ephesians 5:25—with its directive to give up ourselves just as Christ did for the church—is addressed to husbands, but Romans 8:29 says, “For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son” (NLT). God is in relentless pursuit of those he loves. God sent Jesus to pursue us and I am called to follow Jesus’ lead—to pursue those I love.

So, what does it mean to engage in a pursuit? Merriam-Webster defines it like this: to follow and try to catch or capture (someone or something) for usually a long distance or time. I want to capture my someone’s heart for a very long time. I want to be in love with Ron every day I draw breath.

I will admit, it doesn’t come naturally for me. I’m a list maker, a busy girl, and I’m not necessarily wired for pursuit. So, it’s a choice I want to make on a regular basis—even if I have to plan it. Spontaneity is overrated anyway.

I find Ron hard to resist when he’s chasing my heart. I’m betting I can create a major distraction when I’m in full pursuit.

So . . . what will you choose? What’s standing in the way of intentional pursuit (time, personality, issues, hurts/disappointments)? Are you willing to set this aside? What needs to be addressed in prayer or forgiveness?

Conventional wisdom: “She chased and chased me until I caught her.”

Larry Graeme (my dad!)


Deb DeArmond is an expert in the fields of communication, relationship and conflict resolution. A writer and popular professional speaker, Deb focuses on topics related to the family and women. Kregel Publications released her first book in November 2013 entitled, Related by Chance, Family by Choice. Abingdon Press published I Choose You Today: 31 Choices to Make Love Last in June 2015 and Don’t Go to Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight in June 2016. Read Deb at Family Matters/Deb DeArmond and My Purpose Now.

Find Deb’s books at Amazon   Lifeway Stores and Independent Christian Bookstores.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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